The prominent Nose-Surgeon Geller,
Whose treatment became a best-seller,
-
With septum undeviated
-
All doubts are alleviated
That kinesis can straighten one's smeller.
Two musicians from East Santa Monica
Played a single convergent harmonica.
-
When bass notes crescendoed
-
As treble descendoed,
The collision produced catatonica.
Velikovsky's adherents take pride
In past worlds inclined to collide.
-
Though not in compliance
-
With canons of science,
Their proofs mere facts can't provide.
A televised psychic named Rand
Re-taped shows that were already canned.
-
The predictions, she boasted,
-
Which were really past-posted,
Gave cognition a big helping hand.
That cadaverous image priests pray
on?
'Twas a twelfth cent'ry hoaxer's scorched
crayon.
-
One tested hypothesis
-
Of what kind of cloth this is
Proved it might just as well have been
Rayon.
Not the nether world soul of a gypsy
Taking ego maniacal trips! -- see
-
Alcoholic acuity,
-
Not ghostly gratuity
Makes those tables in taverns seem
tipsy.
Old Hurkos the psychic detective,
Whose methods were proven defective,
In time each correction
Without resurrection
Used historical mem'ry elective.
Yes, along with your name and address,
Healer Popov knows ev'ry distress.
-
Divinations quite grand --
-
But by citizens band!
Now his clout's in some doubt, more
or less.
A cantankerous maiden's shy suitor
Built a huge biorhythm computer,
-
Which picks safest days,
-
In amplitude, and phase
Quite specific'ly not to dispute her.
An uncommonly popular fogey,
Plies a mentally challenging bogey:
-
That meditation transcends
-
Both the means and the ends.
-- Mahareshi Mahesh Yogi
Will someone in Science please tackle
How snap-shots by Kirlian shackle
-
An electrified finger
-
To auras which linger?
If not you, then maybe Kodak'll.
Past intergalactic contactors,
While still quite significant factors
-
In theories von Daniken,
-
Though off-again on-again,
Turned out to be modern contractors.
Phrenologist Snerd once was heard
To say a scatology word.
-
For he fell out of bed;
-
Now the bumps on his head
Frame his brain into that of a [deleted].
With Moon in the cusp of Aquarius,
A timid yet bold Sagittarius
-
Dared to marry a Pisces;
-
That's calm mixed with crises,
And offspring specifically various.
If population numbers allow
Past lives of all persons of Now
-
To be well-to-do --
-
When there were so few --
Will someone please explain how!
Was there ever a real flying saucer
Reported by Shakespeare or Chaucer?
-
No, and here's why:
-
Strange sights in the sky
Awaited the first Frisby tosser .
The number of young couch potatoes
Who believe in killer tomatoes
-
Would fill the earth's orbit.
-
To help you absorb it,
That's a six in front of eight 0's
.
Facing every known cure for pollution
Is Homeopathy's impure solution.
-
In which traits, kind or cruel
-
Shapes each molecule,
Despite multiple rounds of dilution.
Decades of watching our stations
Pump out programs in radio rations
-
Make cosmic inquisitors
-
Most unlikely space visitors
To a world where there's human relations.
Some are doubting astral projection.
Best keep to yourself your rejection.
-
It takes manners quite shoddy
-
To deny out-of-body,
Though it's hard to make the connection.
Once a mouse took a thorn from the
paw
Of a lion by psychical law.
-
Go straight to Manilla,
-
If you have one scintilla
Of doubt that sticks in your craw.
Avuncular ghosts and stray aunts
Have clout with a medium's cli-ents,
-
Who go inside the Loop
-
To get the straight poop,
And then lead by political seance.
Someone broke levitation's lid-lock
Causing teleportation grid-lock;
-
Or else it was due to
-
A transcendent guru
With perpetual pro quo quid-lock. (Huh?)
Remember how First Lady Nancy,
Who wore gowns never plain always fancy,
-
Shaped her designs
-
By zodiac signs --
Making policy decisions less chancy.
Conservatives join liberals in grousing
About funding vocations and housing.
-
Since the National Debt
-
Makes politicos sweat,
Look for revenue sources by dowsing.
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