The prominent Nose-Surgeon Geller,
Whose treatment became a best-seller,
That kinesis can straighten one's smeller.
With septum undeviated
All doubts are alleviated
Two musicians from East Santa Monica
Played a single convergent harmonica.
The collision produced catatonica.
When bass notes crescendoed
As treble descendoed,
Velikovsky's adherents take pride
In past worlds inclined to collide.
Their proofs mere facts can't provide.
Though not in compliance
With canons of science,
A televised psychic named Rand
Re-taped shows that were already canned.
Gave cognition a big helping hand.
The predictions, she boasted,
Which were really past-posted,
That cadaverous image priests pray
'Twas a twelfth cent'ry hoaxer's scorched
Proved it might just as well have been
One tested hypothesis
Of what kind of cloth this is
Not the nether world soul of a gypsy
Taking ego maniacal trips! -- see
Makes those tables in taverns seem
Not ghostly gratuity
Old Hurkos the psychic detective,
Whose methods were proven defective,
In time each correction
Used historical mem'ry elective.
Yes, along with your name and address,
Healer Popov knows ev'ry distress.
Now his clout's in some doubt, more
Divinations quite grand --
But by citizens band!
A cantankerous maiden's shy suitor
Built a huge biorhythm computer,
Quite specific'ly not to dispute her.
Which picks safest days,
In amplitude, and phase
An uncommonly popular fogey,
Plies a mentally challenging bogey:
-- Mahareshi Mahesh Yogi
That meditation transcends
Both the means and the ends.
Will someone in Science please tackle
How snap-shots by Kirlian shackle
If not you, then maybe Kodak'll.
An electrified finger
To auras which linger?
Past intergalactic contactors,
While still quite significant factors
Turned out to be modern contractors.
In theories von Daniken,
Though off-again on-again,
Phrenologist Snerd once was heard
To say a scatology word.
Frame his brain into that of a [deleted].
For he fell out of bed;
Now the bumps on his head
With Moon in the cusp of Aquarius,
A timid yet bold Sagittarius
And offspring specifically various.
Dared to marry a Pisces;
That's calm mixed with crises,
If population numbers allow
Past lives of all persons of Now
Will someone please explain how!
To be well-to-do --
When there were so few --
Was there ever a real flying saucer
Reported by Shakespeare or Chaucer?
Awaited the first Frisby tosser .
No, and here's why:
Strange sights in the sky
The number of young couch potatoes
Who believe in killer tomatoes
That's a six in front of eight 0's
Would fill the earth's orbit.
To help you absorb it,
Facing every known cure for pollution
Is Homeopathy's impure solution.
Despite multiple rounds of dilution.
In which traits, kind or cruel
Shapes each molecule,
Decades of watching our stations
Pump out programs in radio rations
To a world where there's human relations.
Make cosmic inquisitors
Most unlikely space visitors
Some are doubting astral projection.
Best keep to yourself your rejection.
Though it's hard to make the connection.
It takes manners quite shoddy
To deny out-of-body,
Once a mouse took a thorn from the
Of a lion by psychical law.
Of doubt that sticks in your craw.
Go straight to Manilla,
If you have one scintilla
Avuncular ghosts and stray aunts
Have clout with a medium's cli-ents,
And then lead by political seance.
Who go inside the Loop
To get the straight poop,
Someone broke levitation's lid-lock
Causing teleportation grid-lock;
With perpetual pro quo quid-lock. (Huh?)
Or else it was due to
A transcendent guru
Remember how First Lady Nancy,
Who wore gowns never plain always fancy,
Making policy decisions less chancy.
Shaped her designs
By zodiac signs --
Conservatives join liberals in grousing
About funding vocations and housing.
Look for revenue sources by dowsing.
Since the National Debt
Makes politicos sweat,